The New Year is here and with the new year comes new affirmations, goals and plans.
A new year also gives you a chance to reflect on all your achievements and accomplishments from the past year.
And what better place to share those than social media?
Every year I see people brag about how they made it another year without having kids. I usually roll my eyes and keep scrolling but this year, being a new mom, I itched to say something. Especially because someone who barely knew me decided it was necessary to tell me “no offense” after celebrating the fact she went another.year without kids.
Going a year without having a kid is not an accomplishment!
True it is something you did but it’s not something you earned. And if you look up the opposite of an accomplishment the word “failure” will pop up.
I am not a failure!
True I may have had a child this year but I also graduated from college, got a career in my field and got married. So no offense to anyone else, but I’m doing good (and I may be doing better than you).
Too often people look at children as burdens or hindrances but that is not what they are. They are truly blessings from God and they are only meant to enhance your life not burden it. I don’t let Jaden stop me from doing anything. When I was pregnant with her in my senior year at Middle Tennessee State University I didn’t let my big belly, aching back and fat feet stop me from making it to all my classes. And now that she’s here I am still following my dreams and doing the things I want and have to do in life.
Everyone has his or her different reasons for not wanting to have a child at a young age. The most common that I hear is that people want to be married and not have a child out of wedlock. Whether it is for religious reasons or financial it really doesn’t make a difference.
Personally a lot of girls I know consider it a sin to have a child out of wedlock but are steadily having sex out of wedlock, which is also a sin. The only difference is when your pregnant it’s hard to hide that sin. Everyone see’s it! So are you trying to please God or are you trying to look good for your friends, family and church members? Surely it isn’t for God because he knows everything. I struggled with this myself after getting pregnant. I didn’t know how people would perceive the church loving, praise dancing little Jomilla they were used to now that I had a little Jomilla of my own coming. But that was short lived after talking to my father and realizing that no one is perfect. If those church members judged me that was something they would have to take up with God. God and I were good. We were on great terms so I had nothing to worry about. Unfortunately not every girl has a strong, understanding father like mine and may not realize it but the fact still remains.
Some people would like to be married and established before having a child to prevent their child from living an underprivileged lifestyle and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. But just because you don’t have a spouse doesn’t mean your child has to be without. My child has two sets of grandparents that spoil her immensely. Not only with toys, clothes, shoes, etc. but also with their love. My child never has to go without and I know that her grandparents and myself will make sure of that. Even before my husband and I got married, the gifts from his mother (now my mother-in-law) were pouring in. Jaden had more clothes than me before she was even born! I didn’t have to worry about the essentials like a crib, a car seat, a stroller because they were already taken care of. Not being established or being unmarried did not get in the way of providing for my child. I had lots of help! Help from people who mean a lot to me. Relationships that were built before the baby and stayed strong throughout my pregnancy and beyond…that’s the important aspect. Who’s to say you’ll get that spouse you’ve been waiting for, that nice house with the picket fence, and that great paying job and not lose it all one day? Anything is possible. It’s the people in your life that will help you when those unexpected events happen in your life and sometimes having a kid is one of them.
I mention all of this to say there is no perfect recipe or order when it comes to having kids. Sometimes in life unexpected things happen and it’s all about how you deal with them. It’s all apart of growing up and being responsible. Responsibility has no age.
I am a responsible twenty-three year old with a child and I am honored and happy. Jaden is the joy of my life and I wouldn’t trade motherhood for anything in the world. The most important thing about having a child is raising them to the best of your ability and instilling important morals in them. And if you are overall a good person with morals yourself… you have nothing to worry about. And clearly that was the case for me.
Instead of saying you made it through 2014 with no kids, just be glad to make it through to live your life. I know I’m glad I did and I’m even happier that my baby girl is going to be right there with me living life too.