To have children or not

William T. Robinson, Jr.

William T. Robinson, Jr.

There should be nothing more important and ingratiating than bringing new life into this world. It should be an event highly celebrated and lovingly awaited. But there is a monumental responsibility that comes along with having children. Financial support, medical responsibility, education and unlimited time to secure the newborn with the love needed to become loving productive individuals. Anything less would be depriving a child of opportunities to excel into the best individual they can be.

While you would think that all parents welcome their new offspring with welcoming open arms, this is not always the case. We do not live in a perfect world and there are profound factors contributing to unwanted births. These factors border around immaturity, lack of finance, no parenting skills, fear of raising a child alone, not wanting the responsibility, seeing the pregnancy as a mistake, hostility and dislike for the baby’s father, and seeing the child as an obstacle to pursuing one’s professional career. The list goes on and on to remind some that all babies are not born out of love; therefore, they are set up for mistreatment and abuse. Some would argue that a child unwanted and born without love is a cruel and heartless ordeal, and it would be better if the child were never born

With so many loving married couples unable to conceive children naturally, they find those able to conceive but unwilling to as selfish and ungrateful. There is no shortage of childless couples praying profoundly to be able to adopt a child. They spend large amounts of money for the opportunity, even sponsoring surrogate mothers. This is fine, but might help to look at the fact that financially and status wise everyone is not in the ideal position to welcome children into their lives. I don’t know if it is right or wrong, but is it right to make it mandatory for women to have babies? Is it for me to judge? Shouldn’t it be between a woman and her God, devoid of man’s judgment?

Isn’t it ironic that men who have never given birth to children are the main proponents in advocating women should have babies regardless of the circumstances? But they are constantly complaining the women are a drain on the welfare system. Some of these men have been involved in high profile cases, having the products of their union exterminated—thus manifesting, the epitome of hypocrisy. We live in a society where unwed women and divorced mothers are given top propriety in the welfare of children, often delegating the father to being only a financial donor with limited visitation, dictated by subsidizing benefits to the mothers often alienating the man. The courts should revisit some of these policies, because in a lot of cases fathers are in a better position to offer the child the stability love, supervision and financial support.

In many cases, men (especially Black men) are not in a financial position to pay child support on a timely basis because of low paying jobs. This doesn’t mean they don’t love their children. Penalizing fathers falling behind in paying child support or incarcerating them adds nothing to correcting the problem. It only makes the problem worse. Ill feeling toward the baby’s father by the mother only aides in hurting the children in the long run. All children need both their parents whether good, bad or indifferent. No one should intervene unless the parent proves harmful to the children.

Too many boys, especially Black young men are running amuck with no guidance and supervision because of the lack of a father or father figure in their lives. This is too the advantage of a criminal justice system that financially capitalizes off the incarceration of these young men. If we are not willing to invest in the viability and success of our young people maybe we should think twice about bringing them into this world. But let’s not forget that there is nothing more beautiful than two people who love each other bringing a loving bundle of joy into this world to be molded into the individual God meant for them to be.

Let’s be mindful that all adults do not want children but happen to be the greatest child givers as aunts, uncles, godparents, teachers, friends and mentors. You don’t have to be a biological donor to be a terrific and awesome parent to a needy loving child.