Father‘s Day has just passed and fathers were lavished with presents, hugs, kisses, and phone calls from the children they adore and love. Better yet, just being able to spend time with their children was the highlight of most fathers on Father’s Day. The love a father has for his children transcends race, religion, economic status or geographic location. The only advantage a women may have over a man when it comes to loving a child is that she carried the child while pregnant and gave birth to the child.
All too often you have a handful of fathers who feel robbed and penalized from a relationship with a child they love dearly. During important and eventful times in the children’s lives they are denied visitation or acknowledgement from their child because of bad relationships with the mothers of their children. However grasping or trivial the contentions among the parents, the children being denied a relationship with their fathers are the greatest losers.
While there exists a myriad of extenuating situations women use to rationalize ostracizing a father from involvement in their child’s life, revenge seems to be one of the most prevalent reasons. Unfortunately, the man is often blamed because of ‘dissing’ the child’s mother and finding contentment in the arms of another woman down the road. Sometimes you find women having a man’s baby in hopes of securing him as a spouse only to find it backfires. The man feels trapped and develops irreconcilable trust issues with the woman.
Women need to understand that with the exception of a few men, most men love their children and want to be a part of their child’s life. Some may find this hard to believe, especially since the media has dubbed Black men as the poster children of deadbeat dads. Some men (not just Black men) may warrant this title; however, most men undeniably love their children and try to be there for them.
Our society has a propensity to judge a man’s love for his children based on what he can economically and materialistically supply the child with. Many times this financial expectation puts many Black men at a disadvantage because they may be at the bottom of the rung financially, lacking employment or a decent playing job. The child’s mother (with support of the judicial system for the most part) uses a man’s ability to pay as a punishing tool affecting whether a man can or cannot see his child
In fact, inadequate or nonpayment of child support can render a father jail time. Is it fair that a father who is trying his best with a job that doesn’t pay a living wage or who is unable to find employment be incarcerated and dubbed an uncaring and unloving father?
Making babies you may not be financially able to support may be irresponsible but it doesn’t make you an unfit and unloving father. Maybe if our society worked harder at providing these fathers a realistic solution to combat their economic woes, they would be better viewed as decent loving fathers. Maybe if the courts were fair in arbitrating more young men’s situations over those of vindictive mothers, then men truly wanting to be in their children’s lives might be vindicated and given a fair chance.
As it stands now, a great many men and their children are hurting because of laws and practices that penalize men because of being financially disadvantaged. The judicial system caters to vindictive mothers seeking to hurt the fathers of their children. If one didn’t know better, you would think the courts are complicit in destroying Black families.
Children need the love of both of their parents. Most fathers’ love for their children is no less than that of the mother’s love. One parent denying the other parent a relationship with their child is not only selfish but also can be detrimental in the healthy emotional, psychological, and social development of a child.
There’s a big difference in a man who can support his child and won’t, opposed to a man that can’t. Our society should not be so quick to judge a man’s love for his child based on the testimony of a vindictive mother or the father’s poor financial status. A parent’s love and time spent with a child is immeasurable. Why is it so hard for some people to understand that most fathers’ love for their children is no different than that of the mother and in some cases even stronger?