I am not claiming to be an expert or consultant on building better relationships among young adults. However I can advise young African American women on how to better their chances of obtaining young Black men as potential mates or husbands. My advice is from a male perspective and is contrived from conversations and experiences described by a multitude of Black young men. You don’t have to agree with me, but my objective is to offer some understanding why there appears to be a gap or move by many Black men away from Black women toward women of other cultures, primarily White women. There are a multitude of factors contributing to this gravitation away from Black women to other women of other races.
Many claim the main culprit is the media, because they portray our Black sisters in a negative light. Too often Black women are manifested as highly saucy, loud talking, and overly aggressive. They have been depicted as headshaking, finger pointing, and obnoxious women eager to put Black men down or to let them know they are financially above them. While this stereotype may be entertaining and even funny to many, the truth of the matter is that this stereotype has become detrimental to many Black women as they pursue meaningful relationships with well-meaning young Black men. Another contrary factor may be that these women appear extremely needy.
They seem to be constantly in pursuit of what they can personally or financially get from a man, offering no more than physical contact in the relationship.
Yet another visual is that of the Black woman as a promiscuous, gyrating, ‘hoochie mamma’ sexually exhibiting her scantily clad body literally offering herself as a sex toy. This may be appealing to the libidos of men seeking no strings attached sexual relief or rendezvous, but let’s call it what it is—a booty call. Honestly this is what a great number of men seek but the women they find as an easy mark are not candidates for perspective girlfriends or future wives.
While there may be exceptions to the rule, many men are looking for virtuous, spiritual, intelligent, monogamous women who can be good mothers and soul mates.
Unfortunately many Black women knowingly or unconsciously have succumbed to the negative stereotypes, thinking that all a man wants is a powerhouse in the bedroom. This may work for a while, but the approach is shallow and doesn’t promote longevity in a relationship.
There you have it. Many Black men are gravitating to women of other races because of their easygoing demeanor and support in building the man’s self esteem. Many would agree that these women appear submissive and fawning toward the wishes of Black men pursuing them. Whether this is merely an act or a superficial attempt to snag men of color, it appears to be working. Securing a no drama relationship appears to be a must for Black men who are avoiding Black women whom they perceive as sensational.
My advice to young Black women is to stop letting others define you and live up to the beautiful qualities endowed to you by your creator. You are intelligent, spiritual, and loving individuals worthy of the love of a good, productive, loving man. Parents and families should work together to instill self-love and self-respect in their daughters. They should be taught to love and respect their bodies and not be taught it takes a man to validate them as a woman. They should be taught to seek men who respect them and honor their morals and values. The pursuit or desire by many women for a ‘bad boy’ or thug only adds to the shallow and degrading image attributed to many women, especially Black women. It diminishes their chances of legitimate and meaningful relationships with the possibility of marriage.
Blacks in the media and movie industry should stop aiding some in White America by exploiting our women in pursuit of making a profit. Black men of substance should not seek women of other cultures with the idea that Black women are inferior or beneath them with other women being emotionally and morally superior.
The depiction of Black women in reality TV shows has not been favorable in dismissing damaging stereotypes associated with Black women.
When we learn our true history and stop letting others define or validate who we are, especially as it pertains to our relationships, then we can mend the relationship rift made by our oppressors perpetuating these myths.
Special thanks should be given to the proud, strong Black women who have not bought into the self-defacing images contributing to the deterioration of the Black woman’s image. They continue to present themselves as intelligent, spiritual, respectful, conscious, strong, and loving women offering love and support to deserving brothers.
Continue to hold up the flagpole for other Black women. Eventually many of our wayward and confused brothers will be inspired by you and find their way back home.